A Marriage Of True Minds?
by Hyphen
Summary: A Lily-James Hogwarts story with a definite kink... So, don't bother reading if you don't want to see them as anything other than Harry's sweet, noble parents.


Please try to hang onto your sense of humour as you read this. I _know_ James and Lily are out of character, or, at least, that other people will most likely consider them out of character... And I _know_ that this is not what J.K.Rowling, to whom these characters belong, intended...  
  
Still, aren't James and Lily a cute couple?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**A Marriage Of True Minds?**  
  
  
  
  
"James! James! Earth to James!"  
  
James looked up from his book with reluctance. Sirius had apparently been trying to get his attention for a while.  
  
"Well, what is it, Sirius?" he asked, holding his impatience in check.  
  
"Nothing. Just bored," Sirius replied, sighing over the motorbike engine parts he'd been cleaning.  
  
It _was_ a very quiet evening up in the Marauders' bedroom. If it hadn't been for that book, James, too, would no doubt had felt bored.  
  
"What's that book you've been reading, anyway?" Remus asked casually. "I don't remember seeing you this caught up in one since 'Quiddich Quandaries' came out."  
  
James shrugged, and wordlessly held up his book for inspection.  
  
"'Tom Brown's School Days'?" Sirius frowned. "What are you reading _that_ old thing for?"  
  
"I don't know, I guess I just find it interesting," James replied, "I like feeling that Hogwarts is part of the great British school tradition."  
  
"It's about Muggles, though, isn't it?" Peter asked. "Just how similar can it be?"  
  
"They _do_ study very different subjects, of course," James explained, "but it's all very similar in spirit."  
  
Nobody commented on this.  
  
James looked down at the open pages. Instead of going back to his reading, however, he made a further casual remark.  
  
"The school punishments were slightly different, too, at least back in the olden days," he said. He glanced around furtively.  
  
"What, caning and all that stuff?" Sirius asked, holding a shiny piece of metal up to the light.  
  
"Ugh," Peter said, rubbing his bottom lightly.  
  
"You know, they used to have caning at Hogwarts, too," Remus said. "It's in 'Hogwarts: a History'."  
  
"_Really_?" James asked, glasses slipping down his nose.  
  
"Oh, yes. The teachers would use their wands," Remus elaborated.  
  
"Hmmm," James ruminated, fanning himself with the open book. "I imagine some would still be rather good at it. McGonagall, for example, she's got that swooshing motion she uses for difficult transfigurations..."  
  
"James, are you OK?" Peter asked. "You've gone all red."  
  
"Yeah, do you _fancy_ McGonagall, or something?" was Sirius' question.  
  
"Ah, no, no," James shook his head, dark hair flying. "I was just, er, picturing her caning Snape."  
  
"Oh, yeah," Sirius nodded with some satisfaction.  
  
"Anyway, I think I might go see Lily for a bit, now," James stood up quickly and left.  
  
  
  
James showed up in his girlfriend's bedroom just as she was brushing out her hair with long, swift strokes.  
  
"Hello, James," she smiled warmly. "Everyone else's in the shower or something, eighty-one, eighty-two, so we're all alone as you can see, eighty-three..."  
  
James sat down on her bed. "Wow," he said, staring at her hair. "You do that every night?"  
  
"Yes, a hundred strokes, morning and night," Lily replied.  
  
"It shows," he said, admiringly.  
  
Lily looked back at him over her shoulder, touching her hair lightly. "Thanks," she said with another smile.  
  
"Yeah," James grinned. "Your wristwork's amazing. You must have a lot of strength, there."  
  
"I suppose..." Lily frowned down at the brush in her right hand, tapping it lightly against her left.  
  
James cleared his throat and looked away quickly, suddenly very interested in the objects on her bedside table.  
  
"Ninety-eight, ninety-nine... there, done." Lily put down her brush and got up from her mirror. "I think Sarah will be back quite soon," she smiled, sitting down by his side. "What are you looking at so intently, here?"  
  
"Oh, just your things," James said casually, "like that, er, whippy thing over there."  
  
"You mean my old riding whip?" Lily laughed a bit forcedly, picking up the item in question. "I don't know why I keep it, really. I suppose it reminds me of my childhood, you know, and riding lessons with Petunia..."  
  
"Did you like horse-riding a lot?" James asked, all bright curiosity.  
  
"Not really," Lily shrugged uncomfortably.  
  
"Did you, er, have to whip the horse very hard?"  
  
"No, hardly at all, actually," Lily answered. "Not a pony. Some people whip race-horses pretty hard, though, like _that_!" she explained, landing an expert blow on one of her fluffy pillows.  
  
James looked over at her slyly. Then he slowly pulled his legs up so that his shoes were now on Lily's pretty pale green sheets.  
  
She noticed almost immediately. "Oh, don't do _that_!" she exclaimed, stomping a small, booted foot. "You _know_ I hate it!"  
  
"I'm sorry. How thoughtless of me!" James exclaimed with feeling.  
  
"Oh, I suppose it's alright, really," Lily accepted his apology with good grace. "I was going to make the elves wash them tomorrow, anyway."  
  
"Lily, dear, you are too forgiving," James shook his head, "You should feel free to tell me off properly whenever you like."  
  
"Oh, all right then, I will, James, you _bad boy_," Lily flushed prettily.  
  
James stared at her intently. "Did you say Sarah's about to come in?"  
  
Lily nodded.  
  
So he kissed her, suddenly, with awkward teenage passion.  
  
Sarah walked in on them, of course, and then stood around clearing her throat loudly until James said he'd better leave.  
  
"'Night, Lily," James gave his girlfriend a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for telling me about the, er, horses and things."  
  
"'Night, James," Lily replied, "Sorry to bore you like that... I should really get rid of this old thing," she giggled in embarrassment, waving a dismissive arm towards the whip.  
  
James left, looking vaguely disappointed.  
  
Lily pouted and turned towards Sarah. "Do you ever feel like there's something you want very, very much, so much that you see it everywhere? But that you can't really talk about it to other people, because it's a very, very private thing, and people would react badly?"  
  
"No-o," Sarah replied. "I mean, I'd _really_ like to borrow your leather corset to wear to the Halloween ball, and a corset's a private item, but I'm pretty sure you'll let me, won't you?"  
  
"Of course," Lily replied, "As long as you don't tell people it's mine... What are you going as, by the way?"  
  
"A leather briefcase," Sarah explained proudly.  
  
Lily climbed into bed, sighing. On days like this, she just couldn't help thinking that she was nearly the only person in the whole school with any _imagination_. She was sure her dearest James had some, with all those pranks he pulled, but still... He seemed _so_ utterly oblivious to the general implications of hairbrushes and little horse-whips. The way he'd kept changing the subject...  
  
Burying her pretty face in a pillow, Lily dreamt of table-tennis paddles.  
  
  
  
James, meanwhile, got back to his own room to find Peter asleep and Remus busy apologizing to a gnome he'd been practicing de-gnoming curses on.  
  
Walking in, he sunk down in his chair with a moody sigh.  
  
"Do you ever get the feeling," he began, "that you're not like everyone else? I mean, that there's something completely wrong with you, a deep, dark secret you can't tell anybody? Not even the girl you really, really like, because if you told her, she might run away screaming?"  
  
"Ye-es," Remus replied, staring. "Quite often, actually."  
  
"Oh, sorry," James sat up suddenly. "Was I being a complete idiot?"  
  
"Yes," Remus nodded.  
  
James sighed and buried his face in his hands.  
  
Remus, though mildly miffed, soon took pity on him.  
  
"What's _your_ deep, dark secret, then, James?" he asked. "The one you can't tell Lily?"  
  
"I can't tell you _that_!"  
  
"I told you _mine_," Remus reminded him.  
  
"Oh, I know, but this is not the same kind of thing at all," James ran both hands through his hair. "This is, well, a thing between a guy and his girl. There is something I would like to ask Lily to, er, do, you see..." Here, he trailed off.  
  
Remus shrugged. "I'm not sure that I am the right person to ask about this," he mumbled, "It's not as if _I_'ve ever had a girlfriend... Still," he continued, brightening slightly, "A lot of what you're saying sounds like your typical teenage angst. I think all people our age feel like there's something completely wrong with them, and they're all wrong... Except for me," he sighed.  
  
"And _me_," James echoed.  
  
When Sirius walked back in, he saw them both hunched over, sinking into depression.  
  
"What's the matter here?" he asked. "Anything I can do? Curse a Slytherin, perhaps?"  
  
"My problem is the, er, usual thing," Remus replied, "James' is something hormonal."  
  
"'Tis not," James mumbled, his head hidden in his hands.  
  
"You know, maybe Sirius could help... Mind if I tell him about it?" Remus asked James.  
  
James nodded mutely, without looking up.  
  
Remus turned back toward Sirius. "Well, the problem is this: James wants to ask Lily to do something, but he's worried that she'll react badly."  
  
"_Really_," Sirius grinned. "Why, James, you... Anyway, that's an easy problem to solve: just ask her," he said helpfully. "How bad can it be?"  
  
"She might slap me and run away," James wailed. "Or, worse, she might just run away!"  
  
"Plenty of other fish in the sea," Sirius shrugged.  
  
This did _not_ make James feel any better. He did love Lily, after all.  
  
He sunk into troubled sleep. He dreamt of a lengthy game of Quidditch, and a bad, bad Seeker who couldn't help dropping the Snitch... And who was, after every fumble, well punished by a resounding spanking from all the brooms...  
  
Sirius, getting up at midnight for a glass of water and a quick prank, wondered why James was grinning so happily.  
  
  
  
But happy dreams were not enough to take a troubled teenager's mind off the isolation that is existence. And so, both James and Lily spent the following day slouching miserably from class to class, making bitter, sarcastic comments, and drawing angry doodles all over their notes. It was _not_ a good day for either one of them.  
  
In the evening, they both decided to seek solace in the other's arms.  
  
When James arrived at Lily's room, he was, at first, very disappointed to see that it was empty. Soon, though, he decided that he might as well take another look at the whip. He walked over to Lily's bed... and disappointment struck again. The whip was now gone. Had she thrown it away?  
  
But, if so, what was that intriguing black object sticking out from under the mattress?  
  
With a swift tug, James pulled out a shiny leather corset. He stared at it, open mouthed.  
  
And, at that precise moment, Lily walked in. "Hey, I was just looking for you in.." she began, choking on her words when she saw the exposed corset.  
  
Oh, that Sarah! Lily despaired. Would she never learn to put my things away properly after trying them on? What _would_ James think?  
  
But what was the stupid boy doing going through my things, anyway?  
  
Before she'd had time to reflect, Lily found herself running across the room and snatching the corset away from her boyfriend. "What _do_ you think you are doing?" she shouted, striking him with it. "Bad James! Bad James!"  
  
James made no move to shield himself. He felt the sting of the leather laces on his face and shoulders, he listened to Lily's stern voice, and felt blissfully happy.  
  
He was still sitting there when she stopped, her face screwing up in horror at what she'd done. "Oh, dear James, I'm so sorry..." she began.  
  
James didn't even really hear her. There was a triumphant, buzzing sound in his ears. "Could you do that again?" he interrupted.  
  
Shocked, round-eyed, hardly believing her ears, Lily struck him again, quite feebly this time. "Bad James," she whispered, as he grinned back at her. Their eyes met, a wonderful moment of most profound comprehension and acceptance. They could almost hear the heavenly choirs...  
  
Lily dispelled it. She stepped back slowly, raising her hands to her hips. "Did you just interrupt me, James?" she asked.  
  
"Oh, yes, so I did, Lily," he replied, "I really am very sorry..."  
  
"Not half sorry enough, I'm sure" Lily replied, stern again, her pert little nose high in the air. "And I do not remember asking you to apologize, either."  
  
James looked up at her in awed admiration. It was still a magic moment.  
  
So, of course, Sarah chose that very moment to return from her shower.  
  
The young couple didn't _really_ mind: they went down to the common-room, where they found much to whisper about.  
  
  
  
A week passed. James spent it all in a happy daze, annoying his friends beyond words.  
  
"I guess you finally got somewhere with Lily, huh?" Sirius asked him one day at breakfast. "Why don't you tell us about it, instead of grinning like an idiot, and squirming in your seat in a deeply disturbing manner, as if your pants were on fire?"  
  
"Don't be vulgar, Sirius," James answered huffily. "I can't tell you about it, because you could never understand the perfect bond that Lily and I share."  
  
"Yes I would," Sirius disagreed, "I've been in love before! I've written the book on love, one might say, even if I've never expressed it in such a mushy, _sickening_ way..."  
  
"_I_ don't think you know what you're talking about at all," James replied. "You 'fall in love' with girl after girl. Lily, meanwhile, is one girl in a million. A perfect match: I never even knew how perfectly attuned she was to..."  
  
Here he was interrupted by some gagging noises Sirius had started to make, and by Remus' sudden late arrival.  
  
"Ran into Hagrid in the corridor," Remus explained briefly, wolfing down a sausage. "It's strange. He says that there were screams coming from the Shack last night. I had to tell him it was nothing to do with me: you guys know I was in our room all night."  
  
"But James wasn't," Sirius narrowed his eyes. "James was out, _allegedly_ with Lily. Come on, James, spill the beans: you were up to no good on your own, weren't you? Was it some anti-Slytherin prank? And how could you leave us out?"  
  
"I _was_ out with Lily," James sent them all a superior smile, remembering his night in the shack. "And there were no pranks involved, just a true expression of love..."  
  
He lost his friends' attention somewhere around the 'love' bit. Just as well, really, since they were young, and ill-equipped to understand the perfect bliss that James and Lily had discovered together.  
  
  
  
Two years later, the happy couple got married. Lily bought a stylish _white_ leather corset-and-whip-ensemble, just for the occasion.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Please do review! Feel free to flame me and tell me what a bad Hyphen I've been... 


End file.
